Bodegaverse Wiki

PART CUATRO- some of the spellings may be off

Clouds of exhaust fumes the stench of synthetic oil mixed with coolant and the musky funk of a thousand Spacedock engineer's. bodega choked back the aroma of the barracken cuanto hub from high up on a gantry his Gretham shuffle was parked on the roof its chameleon stealth field and some fancy flying had made it past the security screens  he rested one hand on his lazgun and the other on his groin which was itching like hell ,damn spurlupien crotch crabs. a hundred meters below the busy spaceport on the surface of cuanto 4 looks safe enough bodega had been scanning the crowd for an hour now making sure there was an ambush that business with the smugglers had drawn some weird heat fedPol had been all over him like well like a case of crotch crabs he wanted

just how high up the remote control vehicle smuggling ring went but that wasn't his business what was his business was the stench coming from the toilets on his ship in orbit cloaked naturally its legendary ship the Disco Volante waited and frankly it wreaked he was pretty sure whatever was causing the noxious stank

might even be leaking into space however badly ponged it was still his ship and at the push of a button on his wrist comp it would decloak and rocket down to bodegas position at the push of another button ship with self-destruct taking anything in a hundred clicks with it,Bodega had to make sure he pushed the right but he didn't know why you put the two buttons next to each other but these things happen what are you gonna do.with the spaceport surveillance complete bodega gave his crotch one more good scratch before he jetpacked down to the main floor since he wore no cape the jetpack worked properly if he'd been wearing a cape scrum knows what would have happened once down he called a fedorian engineer and demanded the landing birth of his ship he called the Disco Volante down from orbit by focusing hard and pressing the correct but the fedorians were a squat ugly collection of what bodega referred to as nerds they knew everything there was to know about the inner workings of spaceships and computers and nerd shit like that loathsome as they were bodega had no choice he'd studied grown-up things like how to tear a man's throw out and how to feel striper virtarium squirmbeen battlepack so not useful when it came to fixing a busted mega toilet the.crapper needs to work gotta stick coming up it worse than a ‘eerrmm’ bodega began to explain before the fedorian interrupted it's nasal voice cut through bodega like a lazgun through a pack of nerds.eerrr before we even get to the toilets I really have to question your decision to have only one

Access door to this vessel you really should have three that not even have two is pretty terrible this thing is already a death trap and the controls are on the wrong side of the door they should be on the right and your gangplank is off angle by about three degrees, bodega grimaced fucking nerds he thought.they entered the ship I I don't smell anything wrong here said the fedorian. it sticks the toilet it's broken trust me said bodega it really doesn't it really doesn't but okay said fedorian and he made for the toilets as he entered the main deck at the Disco Volante he recoiled in horror pouring at the vid panels and peering into access shafts smell it now asked bodega grinning no it's your setup my god you have so many things wrong here why is your stealth field not firmware upgraded look at this wiring it's like you don't even care i have no idea why you would get a ship this expensive if you don't even know how to make this squigindexer correctly you are you must be losing like 1.5% more fuel every time you de-orbit the fedorian was actually sniggering he was standing there aboard the legendary Disco Volante and laughing at it and bodega his face hardened are you shitting on my ship he asked giving the fedorian in one last chance to climb down from the precipice of a really bad time the ship is a good one but it's the owner my grockle you have absolutely no idea what you're doing here do you this thing is suboptimal it actually makes you want to put my head in my hands and maybe make a big post about in the fedorian engineering forums. The engineer  crackled on not noticing bodega unholstering his famous last gun and aiming it squarely at the fedorian's head pad you’ve cost your planet a spaceport said bodega as the Disco Volante sped into orbit the Gretham following an autopilot behind the explosions from the barracken cuanto hub could be seen for miles around lazgun scorching to pedo blasts and even some dents from a fist would be found by investigators in the weeks to come bodega from found the vault with the toilet anyway he'd been drunk on bum picture ale and it just forgot to flush away a particularly unpleasant crap from the previous night as his ship enters orbit he flushed the ship ejected the toxic poop which tumbled back down to the planet's surface with a hearty plop a final reminder for the people of this world don't fuck with bodega .