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This is the second official chapter in the Bodega series. It was released on episode #21 on the Triforce podcast.


Bodega is on a hill top watching smuggler scum playing with RC drones. One of the smugglers spots Bodega's vape smoke and sends a RC drone towards him.Bodega dispatches the smugglers with ease using the newly introduced accessory to his Lazgun the Pivot Bipod. As Bodega leaves he see a group of shifty travelers. It is implied that the travelers are the actual smugglers and that the RC pilots are innocent nerds.

Sips: Wait what were they smuggling?

Lewis: Sips you didn't get it? They were just flying their drones

Sips: That was it?

Pyrion: Yes he killed the wrong people and then he bumped into the smugglers on the way home. I thought is was obvious, should I make it more obvious?

Lewis: It was very obvious P-flax.

— Triforce, Part 21


A grey canopy of fog gave way to the brilliant Skerlian dawn - four suns rising as one, reminding Bodega of the time he almost got run over by a recreational hover-vehicle on Platos IV. He slipped his sunglasses into position over his eyes and squinted down the sights of his Lazgun back towards his Gretham stealth insertion shuttle. Nobody mooching about nearby so he felt secure enough in his position. 

With the sun at his back (he learned this trick in Sniper School, where he'd finished top of his class, and all the other classes in the history of that Sniper School and all other Sniper Schools), he settled into the loose soil of his hilltop vantage point, and checked the Lazgun Pivot Bipod once more. The action was as smooth as a Slemhound’s udder. With the Pivot Bipod deployed, he'd be able to wreak terrible revenge on the bastard smugglers down in the valley. There they were now, drinking cups of Synth-TeaTM and smoking their star-vapes. Vaping had been outlawed by the Evil Federation Director Kremm Slumdump, but those cabrones obviously felt the law didn't extend to them. Bodega laughed to himself. Hell, he loved a good vape too. Bodega wanted to vape really really badly, but it might give away his position, since he was using an advanced megavape capable of blanketing a small moon in delicious vape-smoke.

Enough about vaping, thought Bodega. The smugglers were gathered around a collection of small remote-controlled vehicles. Through the vision scope attachment of his Lazgun, Bodega could practically smell the scum from here. Whatever they planned to do with those RC vehicles, it was going to be related somehow to their smuggling activities and it was surely going to be a thing a bastard would do. He'd done research on these bastards before he'd taken the mission. Their list of crimes was so long, he'd had to take a couple of extra days off, just to read through it and get really really angry. Bodega liked getting really really angry - it focused his mind, made him sharp, so sharp that he'd come up with the idea for the Pivot Bipod while he was taking a crap. 

Bodega’s famous Lazgun, known throughout the galaxy as the best of the best of the best in terms of Lazguns, and one of a kind, was capable of a sustained beam, which in turn was capable of penetrating the hull of any ship he'd ever shot it at, which was a lot of ships. By definition, a human being and their stupid remote-controlled vehicles was going to be no match - no match at all.

He grinned - he being Bodega - and checked the Pivot Bipod action once more. Smoother than a hit from his megavape. No! No vaping! thought Bodega, firmly. Down in the valley, the bastard-scum smugglers were laughing and joking and starting to fart around with their RC vehicles. There were ten of them, their hover-vehicles parked up in a semicircle. They sure didn't dress like smugglers, the clever bastards - most of them had glasses on, which was weird, because anybody with a hundred Skrells could get eye surgery or an implant or something. Maybe it was part of their disguise. Maybe they weren't very good at smuggling, and were a bit hard-up when it came to cash? Bodega gave it some thought. He couldn't come up with anything. Ah well, five minutes till their personal doomsday anyway - what was he, an optician?!

Bodega checked the action once more on the Pivot Bipod and instantly thought about vaping. Flaarv it, he thought, and pulled out his megavape. He took one huge tug and exhaled, regretting it instantly. The smugglers all looked up towards the fifty metre-cubed cloud of vape billowing off the hilltop. One of them fired up an RC drone and buzzed it straight at Bodega. As it neared him, he tensed every muscle in his body, letting out a small fart as he did so - not out of fear, but as a precaution: a fart in combat is no joke, it could really put you off. 

But the drone didn't open fire. It hovered nearby and a small reedy voice emitted from a speaker on the front, “Hello, are you the park ranger? We have a permit to fly our drones as long as it's not a Sunday.” 

“Furthermore, Flaarv this!” His position revealed and his cover blown, Bodega started putting some serious heat downrange. Target one was the pendejo controlling this thing. The famous Lazgun of Bodega did his dreadful business and superheated every molecule of water in that dude’s body as he exploded into a trillion fiery fragments. Now it was time for the Pivot Bipod to do its work. No need to take his finger off the trigger - Bodega simply played the Lazgun around the smugglers’ meeting point like an old man watering some plants - a drop of water for the Groobles, a dash for the Klerfwarts, a good soaking for the needy Jupjup Tree, although in Bodega's case, this translated to three more smugglers shrieking in agony as they were sliced into bits by the Lazgun.

He took a quick squiz down the sights and noticed that many of the smugglers were crawling around and shrieking. Some had curled up into balls and were crying, and some were more desperately trying to run for cover.


All of them paid the ultimate price for smuggling, which was Death By Bodega.

Job done. He packed up and headed back to the Gretham. As he got closer he noticed a group of men off to the south, close enough to hear their conversation. They wore black stealth suits and each carried a large-bore omnirifle. Hmm, hunting season started early this year, Bodega gave a cheery wave and a thumbs-up. The men looked bemused for a moment, before waving back. Bodega climbed into the Gretham and BLAM!-med into orbit, onto his next mission.

Transcript Credit: Lewiscadisri98